Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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