I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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