i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
