I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
