Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
