Cold hands, warm shart.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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