We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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