he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like a drive thru vagina
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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