i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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