I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
