we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
