I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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