I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
