im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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