How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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