Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
