I didn't shave. On purpose
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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