yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
