Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
