Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
