WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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