Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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