Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
