girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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