Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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