stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
