Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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