just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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