when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
