can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
