Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
