I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
