I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
