Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
