She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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