yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
