I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's rum buckets o'clock
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
