You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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