Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
