So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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