he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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