Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
