Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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