My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
