If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
