My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
