He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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