I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
