tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
