my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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