no, he came in my armpit
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She bit a glass in half.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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