I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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