just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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