As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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