Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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