actually, I'm a sock model
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
