Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
