dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
