apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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