Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
