I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
