her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
