Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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