My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
