I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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