I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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