There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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