Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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