We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
