Cold hands, warm shart.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
