dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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