Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry about my life...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
