He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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