woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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