you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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