his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
