Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
