No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
