This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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