your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
