I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
