I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
