first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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